


Croissants and threats

by CustardCreamies



Series: Formula One 2018 One-shots [18]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, FIA Gala 2018, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 08:50:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16909890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies
Summary: Charles is sick and cannot attend the gala. Kimi is drunk and has Sebastian's phone. Disaster happens.





	Croissants and threats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Butts_h](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butts_h/gifts), [Valuable_Valewis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valuable_Valewis/gifts).



> Dedicated to Butts_H for providing some lines for this and Valuable-Valewis for her amazing drunk!Kimi fics. XD

“Feel better?” Pierre asks softly as he brings the cup of tea over to the bundled up Charles on the sofa. The Monégasque can only nod and take the cup from Pierre’s hands as the Frenchman curls up into his side.

Charles takes a sip of the tea and lets out a soft sigh as the honey inside soothes his sore throat. “Thank you.” He says softly as he cuddles against Pierre. “This is awful.”

“The tea or the cold?” Pierre asks as he gently brushes his fingers through Charles’ hair.

“The cold of course.” Charles replies, taking another sip of the tea. “I actually love going to the gala unlike some other drivers.”

“You mean Kimi.” Pierre chuckles. “I wonder how he’s doing?”

“Maybe he’s miserable and begging Sebastian to take him home?” Charles grins.

“Or maybe he didn’t go at all?” Pierre suggests. “I mean if he hated the idea of going so much.”

“Sebastian would have dragged him there.” Charles shakes his head. “Is there a live feed of the event? Maybe we can see how he’s doing?”

Pierre’s eyes light up and he nods. He gently moves himself from Charles’ side to grab his laptop. He settles it on the coffee table in front of them and switches it on. He finds a Facebook live link and clicks on it, settling next to Charles to watch the ceremony.

It only takes a short while for them both to realise that something was wrong with Kimi. Very wrong.

“Is he...is he drunk?” Pierre looks wide eyed as he watches Kimi talk animatedly to a politely listening Sebastian.

“I think he is…” Charles looks at the Frenchman, biting his lip to stop his laughter as the Finn starts waving his hands in front of the camera and clapping with a cigar in his hands.

“Well...he said he didn’t want to go. Maybe he had decided if he had to do this, he’d do it drunk.” Pierre laughs as Kimi starts wrapping his arm around Sebastian’s shoulders and knocking back a glass of vodka. “And he’s being very affectionate too.”

Charles laughs, nodding as he continues to watch the ceremony. “Oh look! He’s talking to Mick now. Poor guy.”

“Look at Sebastian’s face! He looks so done with him.” Pierre grins, shaking his head as the camera pans to an unamused Sebastian. 

Pretty soon it’s time for the prize giving itself and Charles ends up having a coughing fit as he’s laughing so hard at Kimi stumbling across the stage and holding onto Sebastian for support. “Oh my god, this is the best gala ever!”

“Regret not going?” Pierre asks as he helps Charles to breathe after coughing.

“Of course I do! I bet drunk Kimi is fun to witness and sick or not it would have been amazing to see.” Charles grins, wiping his nose.

Pierre hands him a tissue and chuckles. “He bothered poor Natalie and Lewis. I wonder who else he talked to.”

“Hopefully not Jean.” Charles grins. “Poor Sebastian having to deal with him all night!”

Pierre nods. “That’s love right there, Mon Amour. Staying with your drunk boyfriend as he makes an arse of himself.”

“If this is a reference to that end of season party with Prema, I am afraid I will have to murder you.” Charles tries to glare threateningly, but his red nose and streaming eyes ruin the effect.

Pierre snorts at the empty threat and is about to respond when Charles’ phone begins to ring. Charles frowns and takes it from the table. “Huh, it’s Sebastian.” He puts the phone to his ear, “hey Seb?”

“Eclair!” Kimi’s voice booms down the phone. “It’s Kimi.”

“Uh hi Kimi, why do you have Seb’s phone?” Charles asks politely, putting him on speaker for Pierre to hear.

“I snuck it out of his pocket while he was talking to Toto. It’s my phone now and I need to talk to the French-”

“I’m not French, Kimi.” Charles interrupts.

“Do not interrupt me.” Kimi tuts. “It’s awfully rude. I am your elder. Have some respect.”

“Sorry Kimi.” Charles murmurs as Pierre tries to hide his laughter.

“You should be. Now listen closely little croissant. You’re my replacement! Now listen. Seb is special. I love him. He’s cute and funny and a bit furry and I’m sure he’s a werewolf but that’s another conversation for another time. He’s the bestest friend ever and I need him so you must look after him promise promise promise.”

“I promise.” Charles bites his lip to stop his laughter and Pierre is shaking besides him trying to stop laughing.

“Good. Good. I just told Lewis I will run him over in my Sauber if he makes Sebastian cry. Look after him or else-“

There’s the sound of a struggle and then a indignant muffled shout and suddenly Sebastian’s voice appears. “Fuck, shit. I’m so sorry Charles. I lost him, he promised me he was only having a wee and the next thing I know he’s got my phone…”

“It’s fine Seb, really. He only threatened to run me over if I hurt you.” Charles says, chuckling softly.

“Oh good, that’s quite mild to what he threatened to do to me. He threatened to shave my moustache in the middle of the night like he did to Marc.”

Charles shivers, remembering the story quite well. “Well, I guess I was lucky. But he has nothing to fear. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you…”

“I know.” Sebastian says softly. “You’ll be fine, Kid. I’m looking forward to it.”

“I’M NOT!” Kimi yells down the phone. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCK HIM WHEN YOU’RE IN MY ROOM?”

“KIMI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP!” Sebastian yells back and Pierre cannot help it. He falls off of the sofa from laughter while Charles’ face is pure red.

“Over there. Look. Over there is Lewis. Go to Lewis.” Sebastian hisses to Kimi as he regains the phone. “I am so sorry Charles….”

“It’s fine Seb, but Pierre can’t breathe maybe I should go?” Charles says, watching his boyfriend struggle for air from laughing.

“Yes, go. Go. It’s fine. Sorry Charles. Bye.” Sebastian is quick to end the call and as soon as the call ends Charles is crying with laughter with Pierre.

“Oh my god. God I wish we could have recorded that.” Charles grins as Pierre finally starts to breathe, tears falling down his face.

“You’re lucky.” Pierre holds up his phone which had been recording the call. He grins. “The art of blackmail Mon Petit.”

Charles eyes widen and he grins wickedly. An idea forming in his head. 

* * *

The next morning Kimi is suffering with a headache from the very depths of hell when Sebastian walks up to their bed carrying a box. “What’s this?”

“A parcel from Charles and Pierre.” Sebastian answers as he places the box besides Kimi. “It’s addressed to you.”

Kimi pales and opens up the box, giving a soft hum as he finds a packet of pain killers inside and a pack of croissants. There’s also a wrapped parcel for Sebastian from Pierre inside and a note.

As Sebastian opens the parcel curiously, Kimi reads the note.

_Dearest, Kimi._

_We recorded your call. We want to drive your Ferrari or else._

_Love, little croissant._

Kimi feels the blood drain from his face just at the moment Sebastian smacks him in the face with a stuffed toy wolf.

“Care to tell me why Pierre gave me this toy wolf?” Sebastian asks with a raised eyebrow as he takes a look at the note. “Oh for fucks sake Kimi…”

Kimi grins sheepishly and takes Sebastian’s phone, sending one simple text to Charles.

 _Monday morning. I’ll give you the keys - K._

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment/kudo if you enjoyed! :D


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